I have done some pretty stupid things in my life. One time, I bought a new car, because my old one had an oil leak. The price to fix it was about the same as one month’s payment on the new car. If I would have taken the time, I might have been able to fix it myself. I even got the name of a friend’s friend that could have fixed it for a case of beer. Instead of dealing with the problem, I ran away from it and ran toward a whole new problem (the new car).
The best thing I could have done back then was get the car fixed. Unfortunately, I was a little on the shy side and didn’t like to ask for help. Why? Who knows, and my avoidance of that problem led to many more financial problems down the road.
I haven’t done something that stupid in a long time. But I still occasionally dip my spoon into the bowl of stupid and partake of it. Usually, this has to do with my own insecurities. I don’t want to look foolish in other people’s eyes. And my perception of their possible perception of me drives me to do some silly things.
For instance, if we are talking and I don’t understand what you are saying, I will ask you to repeat it. If I can’t get it the second time, I might nod my head in agreement. This could be some valuable information, and now I am missing it. When I can’t connect the blanks later on, I have to go through the painful process of trying to reacquire it much to the dismay of the person that gave it to me.
The idea that someone would judge me based on my lack of knowledge, on my inexperience, or naivete is almost paralyzing. Yes, I know this is an ego problem. But it’s the truth. I try do anything I can to avoid it. Well at least until recently.
It has taken me a painfully long time to learn this lesson, but I have to stop worrying about other’s opinions of me. There’s a good chance, nobody is really even paying that much attention to me anyway. If my quest is knowledge, I can’t allow imaginary obstacles to prevent from obtaining it. I have to let go of my pride and remain the student.
Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire. –Dan Brown
The things we fear are often only a figment of our imaginations. It would be a shame if that is what is keeping us from pursuing the goals that would lead us to a better life.