Take Your Lumps, Learn

A boxer knows he is going to get hit. He may learn how to take the hits and minimize the damage. But he knows that if he is going to fight, he is going to get hit. Does that prevent him from stepping into the ring?

The pain of getting hit should be a powerful lesson. We learn from pain.

The way of fools is right in their own eyes, but those who listen to advice are the wise. –Proverbs 12:15

There is a repeated lesson in Proverbs concerning the wise and the foolish. The wise listen. They take in knowledge. Fools, however, don’t shut up. They keep talking. They don’t learn.

A wise son loves correction, but the scoffer heeds no rebuke. –Proverbs 13:1

Nobody begins with wisdom. We have to learn it. As children, we should be corrected for our foolish words and acts. The correction should be strong enough that we learn and do not repeat the error. This should be a continuous process until we become refined adults able to function society.

This is what should happen. But often, the correction never comes or is not severe enough to deter the child from this foolish behavior.

Those who disregard discipline hate themselves, but those who heed reproof acquire understanding. –Proverbs 15:32

Discipline is not a bad thing. You put a hand in the fire. You get burned. You know in the future to not do it again. You say something offensive among your peers. You get called out or ignored. In the future, you will either curb your tongue and provide something meaningful or you find a new group. You find what works and what doesn’t. You take your lumps and you grow.

The rod of correction gives wisdom, but uncontrolled youths disgrace their mothers. –Proverbs 29:15

The rod of correction. Sounds horrible, mean, and abusive. In the old days, fools got whipped. Why? What is the reasoning? To get better. To learn. If you knew you were going to get whipped for foolishness, wouldn’t you stop being foolish? Wouldn’t it be better to take the correction and learn?

We all get the rod of correction sometimes in our life. Whether it is physical or psychological, from our parents or from society, we cannot escape it. It is up to us to learn. It is up to us to test the waters, get in the ring, and try our best not to get punched in the face. It is okay to be ignorant. It is not okay to stay ignorant.

If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you’ll never learn. –Ray Bradbury

Silence Is Golden

They are everywhere. You know them, if not by sight, then by the constant noise uttered from their mouths.  I have worked with several over the years. One in particular, couldn’t shut up to save his life. He was always talking. And the more he talked, the more foolish he sounded. The guy was ultimately looking for attention and trying to get it the only way he knew how. In the end, the attention he was seeking cost him his job. He should have just stayed silent.

Another guy comes to mind that I still work with from time to time. I wrote about him once and called him the mechanic, as that was his background. When I first met him, he seemed different. He hardly ever spoke. In this day and age, that silence is rare. I asked him once about it. I wanted to know why he was so quiet. I will never forget his answer. He said, “I don’t want to sound like an idiot.” Can you imagine the wisdom in this response? Through not speaking, nobody would ever know if he was or was not an idiot. His silence would never give others the opportunity to find out. His silence was indeed wisdom. His silence was golden.

But what if he was lacking in wisdom? Wouldn’t he be considered a fool? It is not something any would desire. What good is there in being a fool, unless you are a silent fool? As Frances Bacon said, “Silence is the virtue of fools.” If you are going to be a fool, at least you don’t have to broadcast it to the world.

From what I could tell, the mechanic was by no means foolish. And for someone in his early twenties, he was even wise beyond his years. But the world we live in is quick to judge that silence for something else. There are those that want to think something is wrong with the quiet person. However, the Stoic philosopher, Epictetus had a response for that, “If your silence is mistaken for ignorance and you are not upset by it, then it is a real sign of progress.” Imagine that, truly water off a duck’s back. Don’t let what others think bother you. You have your reason for silence –to not sound like an idiot. Now you are making progress towards that endeavor.

It is all well and good that I can make this observation in others, but how does this apply to me? Seeing this wisdom in others does no good if I cannot apply it to my own life. I have been guilty of letting my mouth run too much. On occasion, I have deserved that moniker, “acting the fool.” My most powerful words have been the ones most thought out. My greatest points did not come from rambling, but from careful thinking. I have to be on guard and not allow my tongue to get out of control. If I do not, I may be in danger of receiving that title I truly detest: fool.

There is another area in which I need to be careful. I am on a journey. Over the last six months, my life has gone through some amazing transformations. I have known for some time that I needed a change. I was not happy with the direction my life was going. I started to become really conscious of what I put into my body and mind. In a sense, I have been brainwashing myself on ways to change my life for the better. Some colleagues have noticed this change and have been asking questions about it. I have been rather free in describing what I am going through, but even here I have to be careful and not get carried away. Once again the words of Epictetus come to mind, “Don’t brag about the principles you follow in life. Don’t even mention them to others. Instead, act according to those principles.” Action is a powerful thing and often speaks for itself. I can always be like the mechanic, who is an incredibly efficient worker whose actions speak louder than his words.

My son:

Those who spare their words are truly knowledgeable, and those who are discreet are intelligent. -Proverbs 17:27