Tag Archives: Marcus Aurelius

Justice 2/6/2019

Does it make any difference to you if other people blame you for doing what’s right? -Marcus Aurelius

Do not worry about the others. At the end of the day, you did the right things and you will be able to sleep at ease.

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The Virtue of Justice

What does it mean to live a just life? If right thoughts and right actions equal righteousness, can we be righteous? Our hope is that others treat us with justice. This of course is no guarantee, but it does not change our responsibilities. It is our responsibility to be honest in our deeds and in our words, and that we treat others with justice.

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Hey Google, Set Timer to 14 Months

A month ago, everything seemed fine. And then three weeks ago, there was a seizure that led to brain surgery. Another incident last week, and the news was delivered to my Father-in-Law, “You have 14-18 months left.” The news is difficult for him. It is difficult for the family. And yes, it is difficult for me. Here is a man who has had an enormous impact on my life. He has taught me so much, and yet, I feel as if there is so much more for him to teach me. Selfish? Maybe. But isn’t this how things have been done within families since the beginning of time? A man teaches his son, who in turn teaches his son. Down through the ages, knowledge is accumulated and passed down, strengthening those who would bear the torch of the family name into an uncertain future. In this case, maybe selfish is really a survival instinct in man’s evolution.

My Father has been given an hourglass. The sands are running. I can’t imagine what he is going through and what he is thinking about. I wonder what he is going to do with his time left. But as I think about his remaining time, I am drawn back to my own selfish thoughts and how this impending doom affects me. He has the timer, but someday I will have it. And yet even that is wrong. I will not receive a timer someday in the future. I already have it.

Your days are numbered. Use them to throw open the windows of your soul to the sun. If you do not, the sun will soon set, and you with it. -Marcus Aurelius

If I was told I had a year left, what would I do? What would you do? You could make a bucket list. You could go and see all the wonders of this world. Do all the things you have always dreamed of. Making a bucket list would lead to three questions?

Can you afford your list?

I know I can’t. Give me a year, I would probably die in poverty. I wouldn’t want to work, but I would have no choice. I have debt. I like food. I have a family depending on me. Could you imagine clocking in to work every day knowing it could be your last?

Of course, this is a scenario if you are in debt in your last days. If you carry debt and minimal savings, you are out of luck. You will toil unto the last of your days, so that you and family may eat.

Why not do it now?

Remember, all of our days are numbered. We have no guarantee of tomorrow, let alone a year. Why are we not living life to the fullest right now? But you say, “I can’t afford my bucket list, how can I do this?” Start getting yourself in position today. Prepare now that your family may be covered. Prepare now that you are not working to the very end.

What is on the list?

To see the world, you are preparing to leave, is it necessary? Maybe yes, if it is to share those experiences with loved ones. If you have the means and the desire, then go for it. But what if your bucket list was less about travel and experience and contained such things as:

  • Capturing as many sunrises and sunsets as possible,
  • Spending more productive time with family and friends. Hugging a little longer. Loving a little more. These are the ones that will keep your memory alive.
  • Spending more time contemplating the life to come. Some would suggest there is no after life. That may be fine for them, but I would not rather take the gamble. If there is even a one-tenth of one percent of going to heaven, then there is also a possibility of a hell. I would rather aim for a chance at heaven, then risk whatever misery could be waiting in hell.

These three items alone may be the poor man’s bucket list. But are they not of far greater value than a trip to the pyramids or a bender in Vegas?

Get busy with life’s purpose, toss aside empty hopes, get active in your own rescue- if you care for yourself at all- and do it while you can. -Marcus Aurelius

The clock is winding down on all of us, whether we realize it or not. For my Father, he has been given 14-18 months. What does that mean? Death stands at the threshold patient and waiting. The old Marine could go tomorrow or he could go fifteen years from now. He is no different than us, only more aware than us of things to come. He can wallow in grief that the time is near or he can make the most and count each day as a gift. It is his choice. So, it is with us, we get to choose what we do with the time we have left.

You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think. -Marcus Aurelius

Practice What Seems Impossible

As a biased and proud father, I am always amazed by the grace and beauty of Alec’s cartwheels. He extends to his full length and performs the feat with more skill than I have ever achieved. It is no wonder. He has been doing cartwheels now for half of his life. He does them every day and everywhere. In truth, I would be concerned if he was not good at doing them by now.

A few weeks ago, his cartwheels started looking bad. He didn’t look comfortable. He was going faster with less control, not straightening his legs, and not sticking a clean landing. When I asked him what was going on, he informed me that his gymnastics coach wanted him to do cartwheels leading off with his other hand. He knew this task was challenging, and he was becoming frustrated with his performance. Whereas a normal cartwheel was natural to him, this change made it awkward and ugly. It is when he is most frustrated that he states that he can’t do it. There is only one reply I can give for encouragement, “Keep practicing.”

Practice, the master of all things. –Augustus Octavius

 

After reading the lengthy but very informative article, “How to Configure Your iPhone to Work for You, Not Against You,” I took the advice of step #15 and installed the G Board for faster typing. In the beginning I made all kinds of mistakes and my messaging speed was cut in half. Learning to type with the swipe method seemed an impossible and pointless task. But a few weeks later and countless keying of the letter “L” (right above the delete button), I am now faster than I was before.

 

…but if a thing is humanly possible, consider it to be in your reach. –Marcus Aurelius

 

Aurelius probably wasn’t thinking in such low terms as changing over to a G Board for faster messaging. But then again, who is to say he didn’t apply this line of thought to all difficult tasks regardless of enormity. This is a person whose advice was to practice with the left hand. Using your off hand more efficiently may not produce a radical change in your life, but getting better at practicing will. If you want to get better in any area, you practice.

Remember all the things that seemed impossible in the past:

• sailing across the Atlantic
• flying in the air or landing on the moon
• instant communication across the world

 

Enormous feats that at one time began in the imagination. Compare that to the much smaller things we imagine that seem so daunting:

• superb health
• financial freedom
• learning a new language
• speaking in public

All those things that seem out of reach to us, and yet are possible. Through practice.

 

Practice even what seems impossible. The left hand is useless at almost everything, for lack of practice. But it guides the reins better than the right. From practice. –Marcus Aurelius

Poor Judgment?

I sat in the meeting and listened to the guy who took it upon himself to drive the meeting. As he has done before, he spoke with much self-importance. He had all the answers and he wanted to demonstrate this whether it was true or not. Who does this guy think he is. We all make the same money, work on the same project, yet he is the self-appointed leader?

To be important seems to be the driver behind this guy’s motivation. I might not like his approach, but don’t I have this same desire to be important? Not only do I want to be important, I want to be viewed as important. Of course, it is an ego thing and one that I need to deal with personally. But it is something that we all desire: to matter. And as the great psychologist and philosopher William James once said, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”

I am quick to judge another person’s desire for importance. But here I am, the same. Wouldn’t it be better for me add value to the meeting, rather than obsess about this nonsense? Why not listen and contribute when the time is right? If all desire appreciation, why not make an ally of this team member and show my appreciation for his work?

Marcus Aurelius asked the question: Does it make any difference to you if other people blame you for doing what is right? It is a good question and one we should consider. It shouldn’t make a difference, and yet I would most likely be offended. But Aurelius’ question and can also be looked at from another perspective: Who am I to blame someone else for doing what they think is right? I wouldn’t want it done to me. What gives me the right to do it to someone else?

I am going to be attending that meeting again today. As I sit there I need to consider the following:

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself. –Wayne Dyer

Stop the Complaining

Don’t like your situation? Does it give you pain, either mental or physical?

You have two choices before you:

  1. If you can change it, then do it. Make the change and remove the pain from your life. Be done with it and experience a new found freedom.
  2. Endure it. Whether there is no change available to you or the pain isn’t worth the effort to fix it, endure it.

Those are really the only two options available to you. But if you are stuck with number 2, and you have to endure it, don’t complain about it. Your friends and family may sympathize with you for a time. But after that, you will eventually alienate them if you continue to persist in your complaining.

Courage. It takes courage to endure. Your loved ones see your suffering. They know what you are going through and are hopefully there for you. If you are enduring, then be strong and be courageous. Endure, but don’t push away those who are willing to endure it with you.

If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. –Marcus Aurelius

Righteous, Totally

For you. For your family. For your employer. For your community.

You have an obligation to do the right thing. It is the minimum expectation you probably have for others. And if you hold yourself to the highest standard possible, there should never be any wavering in our quests to do that which is right.

If you are always doing the right things, then it should not bother you if others don’t like it. At the end of the day, you alone bear the responsibility of your actions. So keep doing the right things, and realize this is the path to being totally righteous.

The Strength of a Calm Mind

Imagine a strong warrior. He has no weakness. His attacks are well chosen and executed with purpose. There is no chinks in his armor, no weakness in his defense. He doesn’t panic in difficult situations. He is calm and does what is necessary.

In ancient times, the strength of a city was determined by the strength of its walls. If the enemy could penetrate the walls, they could invade the city and plunder its wealth. Protection came from the wall. The stronger the walls, the greater the protection.

A city breached and left defenseless are those who do not control their temper. –Proverbs 25:28

It is hard to think clearly when you are angry. Anger is like a bad drug that impairs your ability to make good decisions. Allowing your anger to control you weakens your defenses. It allows your enemies, whatever/whoever they may be, to penetrate your walls. Once the damage is done, it is difficult to recover. Repairing broken walls is no easy chore.

With a calm mind, our ability to make good decisions improve. Not making irrational decisions means no reparations have to be made. We can always move forward without any damage control impeding our progress. We can be like the strong warrior who moves with precision and strength.

The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength. –Marcus Aurelius

Prone to anger? Find a way to control it. If possible, step away from the source of the problem and observe it like an outsider. Often, it is a misguided perception of the issue that allows our anger to form. Rather than react in anger, we can detach from the situation and figure out how to correct it. This is strength.

The Frailty of Life

We all know that death could come for us at any moment. But we usually don’t give it much thought, until we, or the ones close to us, near that threshold. When we are not mindful of death, when it feels far away, we tend to find importance in things that are really not very important at all. But when we are at the gate and the time is near, suddenly the time becomes more precious and a sense of urgency to live becomes paramount.

No one knows when the time will come, but all could live in a way that when the end fast approaches there would be little left to do. Even if the mission was left unfinished, you could leave knowing you did all that you could. You could leave knowing a moment wasn’t wasted or a transgression wasn’t rectified. We could go in peace from this life into our next without a regret.

Show me that the good in life does not depend upon life’s length, but upon the use we make of it; also, that it is possible, or rather unusual, for a man who has lived long to have live too little. –Seneca, Letter #49: On the Shortness of Life.

This was one of the thoughts I originally had when I started writing for my son. That if I was to go before he grew up, he would have this as his legacy. I wanted him to know the treasure of wisdom and the value of searching for it. I wanted him to know the path I have travelled in my own quest to find it. Often I went down the wrong road. I had to learn to hard way. But an easy to find treasure really isn’t a treasure. You have to dig for it, often into the depths of the hell of your own making to find it. My dream is that he will find the path and then stick to it, not forsaking it for an easier way. If I can’t be there for the journey, maybe the writing I leave behind will help. Maybe it will even help others.

For those who loved one is nearing the threshold, my heart is breaking for you. I can’t imagine your pain, but I can see your bravery during this time. Remember, death is not an end but a gateway into the next life.

Build the Wall

 

 

I was watching the cartoon “Justin Time” with Alec one morning, and the topic was about The Great Wall of China (S1:E9). In the episode Justin asked his friend Olive why there was a wall. Olive’s response was, “to keep the people on the other side on the other side.” In the U.S., the debate continues over whether or not to build a wall. For some, it is important to keep the other people on the other side. Others believe we should let them all in.

What is the purpose of a wall, whether it is around your house, your school, or your nation? When my wife and I built the fence around our backyard, we wanted to accomplish two things. First, it kept our dogs and young toddler confined to the backyard and prevented them from getting out and possibly wandering the streets. It was for their protection and for our peace of mind. What was the other purpose? The fence was built to keep the people on the other side of the fence on the other side. If they wanted to get inside the fence, they had to be admitted through the front door. Obviously, their identity and intent was established before they were allowed entry. The fence serves its purposes, and as a result we have a certain measure of security.

 

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The Great Wall of China served its purpose as well, which was to prevent an invasion of the northern enemies. The Chinese kept the people on the other side out. If someone wanted to get on the Chinese side of the wall, their identity and purpose would have to be established first. There are some Americans who want this kind of wall too. The ones in favor of it say it is prevent potential terror threats from entering our borders. They want to establish the identity and intent of would-be entrants. Not much different than the Chinese with the Great Wall, not much with you and your fence. People on both sides of this debate have some very strong feelings concerning a wall in the U.S. I have my feelings, but what this post is really about is building a wall around your mind.

Now, I am not saying we shouldn’t have open minds. My goal is to emulate Henry David Thoreau’s idea to “be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you, opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.” I want to have an open mind and encourage it in others, but I think you also need to build a wall around your mind. If you are not carefully vetting what is going in, then how can you monitor what is taking up a permanent residence within your brain?

How about music for an example? Say you hear a really good tune on the radio. The music sounds great and the vocals are really on point. Never mind the actual lyrics, you like what you hear, and you hear it over and over again. But what are those words? Is the message positive or is it something else? There are some really great sounding songs out these days with a message that is not positive. The messages coming over the radio in some songs are ones of drugs, violence, and the degradation of women. There are artists that will glamorize these topics, make them cool. Now you might be thinking, “This is a childish example. Those songs don’t really harm anybody. They are just songs.” And you might be correct that this evil message cannot invade your mind, but what if you are wrong? Or what about your child, with his young impressionable mind? Does it have an effect on him as he listens to it in the car while you are singing along?

About a week ago, my son had trouble sleeping and was scared. My wife was concerned and asked what was wrong. He said every time he closed his eyes he kept picturing a clown eating kids. Turns out that one of the kids in his Kindergarten class was taken to the movie “It” by his parents. The kid came to school the next day and told all his classmates. Chances are my son also seen the trailer on TV. The impression left on his mind was very real, enough to keep him awake at night.

Is this message appropriate for a 5 year old? The lasting effects of this one instance may not be great, but what about constant exposure to that and similar messages? We can rationalize it and say it is not that bad, but how many times can we do it before the “not so bad” imaginary violence becomes real? If we can justify listening to songs that degrade other people, how long does it take before we justify this belief in our minds?

Building a wall that vets all potential entrants into the nation may be a difficult debate going on right now. The choice to build a fence around your backyard to keep your kids safe and keep undesirable people out is a less difficult decision. Fortifying your mind against evil influences and properly vetting what your mind is exposed to should be a no-brainer. Protect your mind, build the wall.

It is possible that my view on a wall around your mind is incorrect. I would love to hear your comments.

“If anyone can refute me- show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective- I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.” –Marcus Aurelius

Soul to the Sun

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If you are driving north of Jacksonville along A1A, pull over when you see the small sign for Little Black Rock, not too far up ahead as you pass Big Talbot Island State Park. After you park, you will find a trail going into the North Florida jungle. Walk along this trail for about a mile, and as go, you will notice you can no longer hear the sounds of cars but instead the sounds of waves. Crest a sand dune and behold an almost always deserted beach filled with an amazing spectacle. On the other side of this dune is one of my favorite beaches and maybe my most memorable. After I left the Army, I used to surf up and down the Florida Atlantic Coast, but when I went to this beach, I left my board at home. A small barrier island protects the shore from the waves. Over that dune was a mystery I never tried to solve for fear the magic of my ignorance would be shattered. There are huge trees, my guess oaks, laying on their sides with the remains of their branches and roots laid bare to the sun. They are bleached white from the decades, possibly even centuries of exposure. How did they get there? I have no idea, but the power of my imagination has concocted many ideas. I doubt the gods fought a battle and these trees are the victims, but one can only imagine.

My friends and I use to come to this beach and climb and play among the trees as if we were kids again with little worries of the world. The trees were amazing, but for me they were not the best feature this beach had to offer. At the north end of the beach, there is a natural barrier. The ground becomes rocky. A black slick mud covers the ground. It is slowly hardening destined to become a permanent feature on the beach. Over the years, small cliffs have formed from this mud. They are not difficult to pass. They might be a deterrent to some, but the prize on the other side is worth the trouble. Beyond the cliffs is another part of the beach. Even more secluded is this perfect picture of a beach. It is smooth and crescent-shaped with the sea grape-covered dune and palm trees visible in the background. I would often go here and sit at the edge of the water. I would close my eyes and become one with my surroundings. I would hear the soft lapping of the waves and feel the warmth of the sun on my face. I felt like I could sit here for an eternity, meditating, one with the universe. I had so many problems back then and didn’t know how to fix any of them. I may have been having a difficult go at the time, but this moment on the beach was my brief respite, which I so desperately needed. This was my therapy. It may also explain why many other times I would sit on my longboard beyond the break, close my eyes, and search for that oneness.  It has been many years since I have taken that journey down the trail, across the trees, and over the cliffs, but the powerful memories of that beach still permeates my soul. Even now, I can go outside, feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and hearken back to those memories and that peace.

I don’t know how much time I have left on this Earth. It could be decades. It could be minutes. William Penn said, “Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” When it is all over, do we want to look back and say, “I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on the things that didn’t matter and spent more on the ones that did?” You can’t go back in the past, but you can fix your present and make the most of the time you have left. There have been times I wish I could have gone back in time, but then… I probably would have never made it to that beach.